Waiting

Good morning all. I have been up all night literally. After missing training today I figured I'd punish myself by watching the best BJJ fighters in the world do what they do over and over. With the Pan-Ams last weekend, Copa NoVA in May and the Mundials in June the competition bug has gotten to me again. I've been competing since I was born at two pounds, two ounces you fight the odds competing against the enviroment and its infectious friends for every breath you take. I was also a county 100m wheelchair track champion for two years. (96-98)Then I quit racing for a myriad reasons.

Fast forward to 2005 I find BJJ AKA Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Finally a sport that puts me on the same level as everyone else I can finally prove I'm just as good as my able-bodied counterparts by beating them. As a disabled athlete you are ALWAYS compared to your able-bodied counterparts. It literally happens 100% of the time. At least in BJJ when I beat someone my critics will shut up.(Well, at least until they find a new thing to complain about) There aren't special divisions or accomdations I can get though I'm sure critics will swear up and down I pulled strings sorry haters but thats not how I do what I do I wouldn't dare give you that satisfacation.

The training so intense that the muscles in your limbs completely shutdown becoming utterly useless. The moments waiting on your name to be called that make feel like you will lose your mind while expreincing the akward combination of nervousness and excitement. As you compete the flow of adrenaline takes you to euphoric place. All for you to release a primal scream as the official declares you the winner.

I live for this vicious cycle. Its an intergal part of who I am. Only one problem, the coach has not given the "Go Ahead", so here I sit waiting.

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