My many faces

As I lie in bed at the beginning of what is my seventh day in bed I'm still bored out of my mind just as I tweeted last night, and I don't mean bored as in I have nothing to do. Even without BJJ there's lots to do more poetry, a novel, marketing it all. The issue here is having the drive to do that last task. I love writing and I love talking about money and anything that makes me money. However, most don't realize that you market you're actually talking about yourself in the connection between you and whatever you are selling. I am horrible at talking about myself and effectively communicating my emotions. Maybe, that's why I am a writer all the greats had crazy amounts of turmoil Hughes, Angelou, Baldwin, all the greats. But I digress, in BJJ, there's a lot of return for your investment there's the submission, the grading system, titles, and just the fact that of knowing you can control anyone just because you want to. In writing, not so much. Writing ...

My surgery was moved up to the 7th. Since it's 3:21am that means I have 12 hours to eat. Strangely, I'm not eating much, I normally eat crazy amounts before surgery but I haven't wanted to this time. I have admit something feels different about this procedure I'm not scared it just feels like there's a lot on the line. Let's face it you don't get sponsors if you don't compete. I felt like I was peaking in training just last month. Then, when I found out my date I purposely slowed down, I guess it's my way of preparing myself to leave the mat for an extended period of time. It's really depressing. I feel like I'm going to be so far behind everyone I'll make it through somehow.